Poker Perambulation

Well, can’t complete that biblical reference. And there was???? Give me a break. Regular readers will recall my past bits of enjoyable exchange with poker support groups. Today’s comes compliments of Ultimate Bet.

Dear Valued Player,
Thank you for raising this issues!
In order to start the proper investigation, we need to compare your stats to the screenshot you sent us.  Please contact us with this matter from the email address associated to your account or send us the following information:
- Complete Name
- Username
- Registered email address
- Answer to security question
- Complete physical address
- Phone number
- Deposit method
- Zip code or postal code
If there is anything we can do for you, just let us know! We are here for you 24/7!
Best regards,
Laura

So, what did I do to get the third degree? I sent them this.

Notice anything? Yeah, I was so card dead I was hoping they’d come up with an auto fold button. But, I reached “4^th street seen: 40%” and when you divided by and carry the one and replace shoes with the values reported, 40% is sort of optimistic with 13% a bit closer to fact.

BTW, it always says 40%. Never a more conservative, tighter 39%. Unlikely to ever see a loose, devil-may-care 41%. I’m guessing people have a better way to track their stats than this clumsy, flawed, hard to read window.

So they really had all needed for a proper investigation. Evidently they are suspicious I’d alter the damn window to set them on a wild goose chase. It was their bloody window with their bloody data. All they needed for verification was my player ID and that too was in the screenshot. There is no other requirement that needed to be fulfilled. Them making sure I was who I say I am had no bearing. I think in legal terms it makes me a gratuitous vendor or some such.  In Texas they'd say, "I ain't got no horse in that race."

I replied. Now this was at 3 A.M. when I couldn’t sleep and wasn’t overly happy to be adding another blog post as something to do besides sleep which brought about annoyance from a lack of sleep. They didn’t just get a run on sentence from me. They got my ire and what those Puritanical FT support folks call obscene words. Yes, my reply started “Dear Asshole” – which I still think it closer to scatological than obscene. That may depend on further cause and effect, I'll admit.

I then went on to explain that UB was already a programming laughingstock and whether or not they bothered to make their ineptness even more obvious to all who popped up a stats window is now their call. If they don’t fix it, that’s fine by me.

For whatever reason, poker support organizations have been designed to be adversarial. I don’t know why that is but it sure is annoying.  It is a land of form letters devoid of human interaction.  With the rake they get they could allow an extra 30 seconds of support time to either be human or find the right form letter.

P.S. I sent it from the wrong address on purpose. Yeah, I’m getting more than slightly kinky about pulling support people's chain. To react properly to what I sent took only a seconds worth of thought. Would they play the email card? I figured that’d be a bigger no brainer than what they actually needed to do – say thank you and forward the thing to the sock puppet running their 'technical' support side.

You be glad to know that, after getting the opportunity to rant on yet another poker room support organization, I went back to bed and slept like a baby. No, I won’t use the wake up and cry, wake up and cry line. Oops, I guess I did.  Sorry, Henny Youngman fans.

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1. Support Hell