Poker Perambulation

Camouflage, poison, stealth make it a constant war. Today, isn't about biochemical battles. This is about the electronic battles being waged inside your computer. Bam-bam inspired this. We all know the ladies in his Friday extravaganza calls for protection. But, the lad isn't as considerate in slipping on a prophylaxis on his net connection. His computer came down with a case of clap.

FIREWALL

This is the start. You can have one gobbling up memory and cycles in your computer or you can buy a router that has it built in. If you don't want to tie another computer into your setup, you can buy an antiquated model that will work as well as the latest and greatest. I see them for 20-bucks. They also are more resistant than the software version – especially the stuff Microsoft includes.

ANTIVIRUS

Sooner or later everybody will get nailed by virus or trojan. This was the Bammer's problem. If you ever downloaded something from the internet or opened an email attachment, the potential for infection is there. AVG is the one I use. It is well reviewed and free for personal use.

You could be a bit more anal retentive and use Comodo which combines firewall and virus protection. It limits your computer's access to the internet by being interactive with the user. That makes the firewall a two-way road block. But, 90% of that only helps if the virus/trojan got into your computer. That takes work on your part that probably will never be rewarded. But, if you're a belt and suspenders guy think Comodo.

OPERATING SYSTEM MAINTENANCE

OK, that covers the problems that create massive hemorrhage. Lets talk about fleas, mange and the like. This isn't the virus that can kill. This is the little fungus that starts lurking in your computer's toes and groin. F-Train's computer has lost it's hygienic excellence while he thought he dusted and scrubbed. The fault isn't with him. It snuck in – compliment's of Microsoft. He says it takes a half hour to boot and runs like a slug.

Window's came about at a time when it really couldn't work well. The hardware was marginal and to avoid being so slow nobody would use it they came up with little cheats. Programmer's call them kludges. Microsoft is/was all about the present and the bottom line. So the things they did as expedient haunt today's computers.

The standard way the non-geek folks fix this is to reinstall windows. That gets them a blank page that applications then again scribble all over. The registry is one of those kludges. You can't find it or don't even know it exists. MS designed it as the kitchen sink for miscellaneous data. The original Windows was really single threaded – meaning it did things one at a time and switched between a very limited number of applications. Those early computers often didn't have enough memory to really do that so MS created the pagefile. The idea here was 'virtual memory' that made it look like the computer had more than was actually there.

Fast forward to today, our computer is filled by almost every application with info that goes into the registry. It stores everything from registration validation to the color of a bit of screen. With more and more programs on our computer, the inefficient design gets stress and stress and that has no means of repair or at least that's what many think.

Every time an fancy new application goes on your computer you aren't asked about what to allow. It seizes memory and facilities without your approval. As threads (bits of code that ask Widows for execution time) do their thing they create a load on Windows weak components. This slows the machine.

As an example, I just installed the Adobe reader upgrade. I found out about it from a little popup that told me it was available and that I hadn't done a cleanup after the last upgrade. I downloaded it. I then used a utility that I had and saw they had put three of those little vampires (thread/dll) on my system. I deleted all three. Adobe still runs like always but that is no longer competing for processor, memory, or network overhead. Adobe is hardly alone. In fact they are the norm.

So, what do you do? My choice is from Maceware which has a good reputation, is relatively cheap and easy enough for any to use and powerful enough for specialist use.

I probably use one-fourth of the items above. But it has the basic features needed. I just ran the Registry Cleaner and it remove over 500K of detritus. That's things like the last web page you visited, this histories that pop up in the start menu, left-overs from programs one uninstalled, ad nauseum. Now I compact the file and with a reboot, the efficiency is improved. I can go to the Startup manager and see what the applications stuck in that without my approval and then I can delete the one's that only help in a superficial manner – like a program loading a bit quicker.

There are some dangerous but helpful things that you'll never or seldom use. That disk wiper makes a drive unreadable. If you are selling or donating a computer, it will keep your bank logon away from the wrong hands.

All that is $39.95 and that's for a lifetime of upgrades.  It automates the search and kill and becomes your captive geek.


If you cover these bases you'll be ahead of 98% of the users out there. And, you'll have taken control of your computer without calling in the Geek Squad.

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